Monday of Spring break I went to church with him, because truthfully I never get as much work as I think I will done in my pajamas, so I figured the church library would be a great place to go. I got over half of the paperwork I needed to get finished completed which was lovely. Then John and I headed to our first kickboxing class. I have done this before many many many years ago and loved it. We know we need to exercise and try to make it something we enjoy so we tried a kickboxing studio close to our house. The classes are more expensive than I would like, but the schedule is amazing. This is pretty much how my first hour went for me:
5:30 (warm-up)- "Okay I think I can do this. This isn't so bad"
5:40 (warm-up)- "I wonder if this is still the warm-up. This sure doesn't seem like a warm-up. We must have started the workout."
5:45- Instructor informs us we are done with the warm-up. It was at that point I was sure I wasn't going to make it. "What kind of warm-up was that. My instructor is a crazy person"
5:50- When is this fool going to let me get some water? I think I am dying. I am destined to be out of shape the rest of my life. This is longest work-out I have ever done.
5:55 - Instructor says get water. I think lying down is a better option, but know if I get down on the floor I am not getting up.
6:00- I think I hear John say something encouraging, but I am just starting to see fuzzy everywhere. This is crazy. There is no way I am making it the full hour.
6:10-"That's it, I am dying. I don't have the will to survive."
6:15- Instructor says to get water and then we will do the abs. I think, "Excuse me sir, abs? I thought that was included in what I had already been doing. What kind of Abs and whose abs? Blondie, over there. She looks like she has time and energy for abs. Even if I had abs they couldn't be seen right now. I have bigger fish to fry." The instructor then says if you need to, you can put your feet under the bag for support but try not to when doing your sit-up. Again I think, "Sit-up. I haven't done one in awhile. I will be shocked if I make it all the way up."
6:20- I do in fact manage some complete sit-ups. I am having a victory party in my mind which is immediately brought to a crashing halt when I informed we still have 10 minutes of abs.
6:30- I am red in the face, can't breathe, can't walk, burning chest, and just mad. When the super fit, very kind woman from the front desk approaches me, "Ready to join?" It was at that moment I should have said, "No way," but she was so nice and John was so excited, and I am so out of shape I said okay.
2 weeks into this kickboxing thing I don't loathe it. I am not delusional enough to say that I look forward to it or it is the best thing ever, but there are worse things.
One rather fit looking lady approached me half way through the last workout and said, "What is he going to make us do now?" I realize I should have been encouraging, but this woman, upon walking in at the beginning of class, informed another woman she had worked out before and was familiar with this kind of thing. I assumed she would do well while making many of us look bad. But when she approached me looking like she might not survive the next 5 minutes let alone the next 30 minutes (which I looked the same by the way) .....I said, "It is always worse. I always think it can't get worse and then the instructor says something worse." Needless to say she didn't look amused when I told her.
A good example of this was about a week ago. The instructor had us do a series of things I was less than pleased about, but just when I think I don't want to watch him step on a lego he says, "Okay now Bear Crawls." I loose my .......... I was mad. Why, why oh why are terrible elementary school gym class techniques considered a good idea. For those of us that were not athletic in school (me) this Bear Crawl thing brings horrible flash backs.
So 5 minutes of bear crawls later and the bell sounds off. No joke, I think "Sweet wonderful Jesus I am done, the rest of the workout will be great, only to hear that what I assume to be the devil yelling, "Okay reverse Bear Crawl!"
No sir! Not happening! I am going to cover your house in the tiniest and pointiest of legos I can find. I hate you sir. I didn't say any of it because he could smash me without even trying, but I thought it. Fiercely. I watched the very fit man next me struggle through this amazing gym class maneuver and decided I was, in fact, in hell.
Surprisingly I did not quit my membership after that workout, but let's just say I don't look forward to seeing that madman instructor again. Maybe someday when I can outrun someone chasing me I might think of him fondly, but today is not that day.
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