Strangers In Our Home

     Thursday night John informed me he had scheduled our first initial home visit with our social worker for Wednesday night. While I should probably lie, I won't. It made more nervous than I thought it would. Here I am thinking, "Wow, we are really going forward." You see, we have been at a bit of stand still since Spring Break when we turned in our application. We hadn't heard much from the agency and things just seemed to stop for a couple weeks. To most I am sure this is not a big deal, but John and I were so eager and convicted in our decision that it felt like we were put on hold. For perhaps the first time ever in our lives, John wanted to call and email all the time, and I said "let's just wait". [Husband edit: True story!]

     Our social worker called John and set-up a time just to see the house. It is my understanding this will not be a detailed "look in every nook and cranny" type visit, but more of a "let's just see what we have to work with" visit. John came home super excited. When he told me I kind of had a rush of anxiety hit me. Even though I am generally a somewhat private person, I didn't think it would really affect me to have someone come through my home. I thought I had mentally prepared myself enough for this that it wouldn't be something that made me nervous.  But this is a different type of visit. This a a visit in which someone will be judging my home. They aren't coming in to "visit" or be a guest, but to see if my home is sufficient for a children. While I really appreciate the importance of this it is still interesting to think that expectant parents get baby showers and I get inspection checks. It's not discouraging or upsetting; it's just something to think about. My nesting time won't be like everyone else's; which I knew when I signed up. I have always had an idea that my being an "expectant" parent would be very different. I am guessing the anxiety and nervousness is hopefully very similar to a new mother who knows she will have her first child in several months. 

     I imagine this whole process will be an interesting one. Having someone who doesn't know me, ask me every private detail, check my home, interview my loved ones, friends, co-workers, and ask them if I am ready to be a parent will be different. Other individuals who decide to have children make the decision with their significant others. Interviews, references, home checks aren't conducted. While my heart is preparing just like any other soon-to-be-parent, the other "preparations" are completely different. It is really another way we prepare our hearts for the precious souls who will be in our home.