Monday, February 2, 2015

Heart Broken


I kid you not, Wednesday evening I was talking to my BFF when she asked how the foster thing was going. To which I responded, “Its not”.

As many of you know November brought us our first broken hearts; which is why I [We] neglected the blog. Neither John nor I wanted to talk about it. We were brought two precious girls that we fell in love with instantly. They were sent back home almost as quickly as they came. It left us devastated because we felt the home they were being sent back to wasn't ready for them. Not only that, but John and I fell in love with the girls faster than we expected. We knew the love would be there, but there was a part of us that wasn't sure exactly how we would feel. Let me tell you, we loved them immediately. It doesn't take long when you look into the eyes of terrified kids, then feed, clothe, bathe, and diaper 'em. It happens so fast. We knew they weren't ours, but from the moment they were in our home we were determined to show them as much love and care as we could. [When a kid is under our care under our roof, that kid is our son or daughter, without reservation.] We thought we were going to have a year to do that. We spent the weekend we lost them crying and being mad at the world. [Husband Edit: The whole situation is a long story that doesn't need repeating, except to say that Ashley is the person that keeps me from speaking my mind when I am angry, and this time she told me to say whatever I wanted. I absolutely did. I still sleep like a baby.] Then we questioned our ability to foster. I mean here we were left with emotions we truthfully didn't know what to do with. After some wonderful friends came over to console and let us know that out feelings were completely justified and okay we told our agency we needed a couple of weeks to regroup. After about two weeks I sent an email saying we ready if they needed us. Well Christmas came and went, along with New Year's, and most of January.

About two weeks ago John and I went to dinner and discussed what our next step should be. Was this God's way of saying we weren't ready, was there no need, did our agency think we couldn't handle it? We had no idea what to think. We decided to wait and do our best to put it in God's hands. If our home was needed for someone we would be there. When Yoli asked how the foster thing was going on Wednesday I started thinking our timing was bad.

And wouldn't you know it, Friday I got the call! A two year old boy needed a home. I was really surprised. I managed to stutter out a “yes” when our social worker asked if we would take the placement. I called John, who was just as surprised. I gathered my thoughts and took a peek in the kids' room and...great. Nothing but girls' stuff. I packed up the girl clothes, rearranged somethings and begged the social worker to call me as soon as she knew sizes, but then I remembered how last time we were told sizes and it was wildly incorrect. Little Tiger (as we will call him) wouldn't be coming until Saturday morning. John and I decided to go to dinner and run some errands for a couple of items. At dinner we both panicked. Would we fall in love just as fast with this kiddo? Would we compare him to the other kids? We were really concerned our last experience might cause different feelings.

Saturday afternoon our social worker arrived with Little Tiger wrapped in her arms. He came with the clothes on his back and 1 sheet of paper giving John and I legal responsibility. He hadn't eaten or napped. Our social worker tried to put him down only to have him cry. After we all figured out there was no way for her to leave with him feeling comfortable she passed the screaming crying child on to me. John walked her out while Tiger and I sat in his room, where I rocked him for 15 min before he stopped crying. He had never been away from his mom, in a new place with people he had never seen, hungry, and tired. I won't lie, I cried too. I was sad that any child had to be separated from his mom due to homelessness. It wasn't fair to him or her. It was heartbreaking.

Sunday he did okay. After church we were finally able to get him to eat a little. Then the three of us went clothes shopping. He laughed and talked the whole way there. In the clothing shop he and John ran around, played with toys, caused mischief [Husband Edit: Not mischief. More like shenanigans. Maybe even as little as a hijink.] while I got the clothes. He still hasn't eaten very much and he seems sad more times than happy, but he is slowly adjusting. We all are. Our wonderful church family and friends have wrapped us in love and prayers just a quickly and abundantly as they did the first time. Gifts of toys, clothes, prayers came in which has made our jobs so much easier.
Yes, John and I fell in love just as quickly as we did last time. Foster Care is a wild adventure with many tears and smiles along the way.....or so we are learning.

2 comments:

  1. Love y'all. Glad Little Tiger has you right now.

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  2. Praying for you and your sweet little family! <3 <3 <3

    ReplyDelete