Summer Slow Down

Sorry about the absence folks. It has been a crazy summer. It started and has not stopped. 

John and I went on vacation from June 8th-13th. It was a much needed blessing. While I might live with my husband, I really don't see him as much as I would like and we never see each other without cell phones. This vacation was just the 2 of us and with little technology. It was wonderful to have some one-on-one time. We considered this our "last" trip without kids, or so we think. Once we got back the craziness picked up right where it left off. Finally, amidst errands and chaos with my car yesterday, John said, "I'm hungry" and proceeded to pull into Costco parking lot. He said he wanted a quick bite and this would be a good cheap place. There John took me on a mid afternoon date where we shared a hot dog and a churro under a red and white umbrella. It was an amazing afternoon date. We have learned you take the date where you can and when you can. 

We have been getting a lot of questions about where we are at in the foster process and when we are getting kids. The short answer: no idea. I find this is probably normal in the world of foster care. We have training July 12th and a foster parent retreat weekend of July 18th. In my mind we will hopefully be finished sometime in the neighborhood of end of July beginning of August. We will see our social worker on July 12th and are hoping she can give us a better idea then. From what we understand paperwork is pretty much complete. In terms of what we have at home..... not much. The room is finally cleaned out. John and I decided to slow down on the purchasing of things. We don't know what ages or genders we will be getting so we are trying to get the basics and wait until they arrive. While this plan adds to my already existent terror (remember: control freak here) I think it will be the best plan for controlling the chaos of our garage. We already have limited space and preparing for kids between the ages of 0-7 can take up a lot of space if not careful. I looked at daycares recently and we are trying to make a game plan for when the kids get here. We have purchased some things the house has to have and now we just need to install. We passed fire inspection so that is done. 

I started a new job on June 17th which I LOVE. It has been a great and pretty peaceful transition which has been a pleasant surprise. I have so much to learn and so much training ahead of me, but it is all in areas that I really care about. 

John is doing well. He started a 4 week bible study on worship and he is doing the sermon tomorrow. He has been pretty busy with lots of wonderful things. 

It is hard to believe June is almost finished considering it feels like it only began, but that is the way summer usually goes. 

Current Status on the Foster Stuff

Well there isn't a whole lot to report. Two weeks ago we had our big psycho-social interview. Saying I was nervous is putting it lightly. The director of our agency came to our house Sunday night. She informed us it could take several hours and we should let her know if we get tired. This concerned me. When someone tells you before an interview, "let me know if you get tired" I panic and think emotionally tired. I know, I am crazy. I knew this interview would include a myriad of personal details about our up bringing that I was slightly hesitant to discuss. Think about how you might respond if someone asked lots of super personal questions on how your were raised, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Long story short it went well. We all had a good time and got along very well. You could almost say it was therapeutic to discuss your childhood, plans for the future, marriage, etc over chips and salsa with someone you have never met before. 

Here is the part I love. After our interview she said, "Well everything seems to look pretty good and you guys have been quick with your paperwork, so it looks like you guys could be licensed by mid to late June." That was the moment John and I both looked at each other with mostly panic in our eyes. Our background checks had taken so long we thought we were looking at closer to September before we would be licensed. It didn't take long for us to make a crazy long to-do list, verbally reprimand past John and Ashley for not doing things sooner on a better time schedule, and jump for joy with excitement. We are so excited that this summer could possibly include kids. However based on when trainings look like they will be scheduled we are still not planning on being licensed until end of July. 

So what do we have left you ask...... 
Fire Inspection 
Get pets vaccinated (no one, including cats, is looking forward to this) We did this on Saturday and as predicted it is was not fun. 
TB test for John and Seester
Training (July 12th) 
Finish kids' room
Various simple home repairs 
My fingerprinting
Couple more documents like budget form, disaster plan, emergency contacts, etc. 
    (These are things we are doing)

I think the agency still has to call references and health inspection. 

The list is not what I would call daunting, but will take some basic skill in time management. All in all we are doing pretty good. We could really use some prayer that things continue to move right along. 

What Is It Like for Me on Sundays?

Disclaimer: If you do not like hearing the lovey dovey stuff, be warned. This blog post will contain some of that. 

What is it like for me on Sundays? Honestly this is not a question I get asked, however it was one I always wanted to ask other Pastors' spouses. What does a spouse get out of the sermon on Sunday? Of course the Pastor is preaching on Sunday which is basically teaching. Other parishioners are learning and listening to their spiritual leader. What is it like for me when my husband is the spiritual leader? Keep in mind this is very new territory for me, so other seasoned spouses might feel differently. 

Sundays are very exciting for me. One Sunday, as I was listening to my husband preach I couldn't help but think how great this minister was, looking at him and realizing I married to this guy. It is so interesting to see someone you have known half your life in different role than at home.  It is interesting seeing a spouse in other roles. Generally speaking I know very little about the sermon come Sunday. John doesn't ask to rehearse on me and I don't offer. I think it is exciting to hear his sermon for the first time on Sunday just like everyone else. 

Does John teach me? Boy howdy does he teach me. While I often like to say I am my own woman and we are equal partners in the relationship, it isn't true when it when comes to theology. I am light years behind John in my theological development. Do I have a basic understanding? Yes. Am I able to form opinions? Yes. But really what I know could fit in a thimble.  John teaches me each and every day (for the record he doesn't just teach me about the Bible, there are some pretty awesome other life things he teaches). He says I challenge him and he likes that, but I think he is being encouraging.

 I can't tell you the number of people in the past year who have said, "You sure are lucky to be married to him." This always makes me chuckle. Yes, I am so very lucky to be married to John and will never deserve to be married to such an amazing husband, but I am not sure people realize how that sounds when they say it.  There is an implication whether it is meant or not when someone says, "You are so lucky to be married to him." When someone says it, I typically nod and smile. Sometimes when I am feeling sassy I say, "Yep, and he is super lucky to be married to me." I have received some interesting facial expressions with that line.

There is one thing I have not been wild about hearing and it has happened a number of times. John will sometimes introduce me to folks in the church that I have not had the opportunity to meet individually, often because they go to a different service and we do not cross paths at other church functions. John sweetly introduces me and I am met with the, "Oh we just know you as John's wife." Not going to lie, that phrase bothers me. [Husband edit: Me too. I don't try to hide my displeasure either. I have always considered myself a husband first and a pastor second.] When someone says that, it is like they are saying I am not important enough to be worth having my name remembered. I love and support John, and really am his number one fan, but what others need to remember is I have a name. I am an individual with a full time career that I love too. (I too wear more that one "pair of shoes".) I do my best to remember everyone's name.  It isn't very kind to assume my only role is to stand behind John and nod at everything he says. We are a team and I am so lucky to be a member of that team, but please assume I have other things to offer as well. 

I have a feeling being married to John will be quite the adventure, for many reasons. Not just his career in ministry, but also because he is a fun man with an enthusiasm for life and people, which I admire greatly. 

So in answer to the big question What is it like for me on Sundays?  An overall wonderful experience that I look forward to having Sunday after Sunday for years to come. 

Purge #2

I should have titled the "Garage Cleaning" post as Purge #1, but didn't. Anyways, we are working on Purge #2 at our house. What do I mean you ask? I mean taking out everything from the guest room to make it a kids room. It has been quite the challenge. We didn't want to just pile all that crap , I mean important belongings into the garage. We are already "those" people that store their inexpensive stuff in the garage as opposed their cars; we just didn't want to make it worse. John is really trying to make sure he gets to keep at least half of the garage for his wood shop. We had to go through lots of items we have been storing here and there in closets for years. 

Now you might remember be saying John is a collector. I have to sadly admit I too collect something. Everything from 6 years of college. I have every text book, binder, power-point, research article, everything from undergrad and graduate school. I have a good reason, or so I thought. When SLPs go to college everything we could possibly work with is briefly and quickly hurled at you. You have a short amount of time to learn oodles. You sit there in class being told, "Hey, you might see this so you better know how to treat it." Clearly most of us only remember what we need to in order to pass our big exam and what we use regularly at work. So the rationale was, I shall keep everything and when I come across something I don't remember I shall retrieve my old textbooks, binders, power-points, and research articles. How many tubs of this non-sense do I have you may ask? Oh, in the neighborhood of 5 or so. That takes up a crazy amount of space. 

So I took a poll at work. I asked some of the seasoned SLPs if they had any of this stuff still and if they ever needed it or used it. I was met with a resounding "no." One asked me how long I had been out of school. When I told her 2 years, she said "well most of what you learned is already outdated." That was the kick in the pants I needed, and of course the fact that I am officially out of space at my house. 

None of this is what John wanted to hear because it meant he had to bring all of those boxes into the house for me to go through. One evening while going through all this I asked him why he left one in the garage. He said, "Well it was really full, so......" I think what he was hoping I would respond with was something like, "okay well since it is full I will keep all that". That is not what I said. Again, he was not so happy. While going through this stuff it became apparent........There is no way I would have ever found or remembered having most of that stuff. I would like to say that made it easier to throw away, but it didn't. As I was going through it I kept thinking, "Oh I remember that now, or I should really re-read this because I need to know it." I know, this instills an incredible amount of faith into my professional competency. 

After having my walk through academic memory lane, I decided to throw the majority of it away. I condensed 5 boxes into 1.  A feat I would have never thought possible. I think it really motivates a gal when you realize you are out of options if you ever want to make the kids' room look like a kids' room. 

We still need to do home repairs, get things in order based on state standards like cleaning products and medicines, and furnish the kids' room. We are quickly running out of time. Our social worker informed us she still thought we would be licensed by end of June or so. Fear and excitement are really the only two emotions I have right now when thinking about all of this.  

Best Month Ever, aka "Better Hearing and Speech Month"

Did you know May is "Better Hearing and Speech Month"? Exciting I know! This is the month SLPs (Speech Language Pathologists) give little tidbits about hearing, speech, language, pragmatics, basically everything we work with (also we get discounts on stuff and have ice cream). 

Someone once asked me if I was being pretentious when I said I was a Speech Language Pathologist. He wanted to know why I didn't just say Speech Therapist. Well for starters that is not my title. Yes SLPs do speech therapy, and we are called speech therapists quite often, but that is not our true job title. I am sure you are thinking I am just being snotty. I promise I'm not. I don't care if someone calls me a speech therapist. In fact sometimes I call myself that just to make things easier. The reason we don't go by speech therapist is due to what our job encompasses. Speech therapist implies I only work with speech (like stuttering and articulation), but that is a small part of my job. SLPs work with articulation, language, pragmatics, swallowing, feeding, voice, etc. Language especially makes up a huge amount of our casework. Language includes anything from working with children who do not communicate verbally to an adult who has had a stroke or Traumatic Brain Injury. It also includes working with children who have difficulty with grammar and vocabulary.  My best friend works with individuals who have had their larynx (voice box) removed and now use a prosthetic, patients who have had strokes, and she works with babies and adults who have disorders in swallowing/feeding. Other friends work in schools like me. We help children with something as simple as making their "wabbit" sound like "rabbit" to helping a student with significant developmental delays or complex diagnoses learn to communicate without words. The point is we are all called SLPs, but we have jobs that are quite different. 

Unfortunately, lately I  have spent a good deal of time complaining about my job because of paperwork, policies,  state regulations, scheduling, meetings, etc. All of this often takes up more of my work time than I would like. Special Education can look like quite the obstacle course when looking at ARD paperwork and listening to a flood of acronyms. 

All of the paperwork, policies,  state regulations, scheduling, meetings, etc are in place to help a student succeed; however that doesn't make the paperwork enjoyable. Even with all the not so enjoyable parts of my job,  I can without a shadow of doubt say I love being a Speech Language Pathologist. The great really does outweigh the bad.  In honor of Better Hearing and Speech month I decided to make a list of just a few of things I love about my job.

1. Hearing a non-verbal child's voice for the first time. I have had the privilege of working with a few children this year who did not speak. The first time one of them said "no" was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. Working with someone for 6 months and then suddenly hearing their sweet voice is amazing, even if it is to protest.  

2. Kids say the funniest things. Kids are hilarious. They come up with the craziest things. Most of the time they have no idea how truly funny they are. 

3. Watching someone do something they couldn't do before. For example, hearing a child call everything a "him" and then suddenly you hear that same child use all their pronouns correctly is very exciting. Grammar can be quite exciting. 

4. Themes. I love themes. In graduate school I had a clinical supervisor insist we use themes in our therapy. I didn't like it at the time. I thought themes were silly and time consuming. Now looking at my theme calendar I think themes are the best. I even have my students asking me what the theme is for the week. It makes therapy fun and gives me structure. When you can dedicate a whole week to pirates and accomplish a great deal in speech therapy you know it is going to be a good week. 

5. Hearing a parent say they can understand their kid better. When a parent tells me, "Hey this speech stuff is working, I can understand what my child is saying" it is pretty great. Knowing the child isn't struggling as much to share their thoughts and knowing a parent is less stressed because now they understand their child is nice to know. 

6. What other job gives you the opportunity to crawl under a table to retrieve a child. Yes there are days I am trying to get a child out from under the table and thinking, "Really kid." Makes me wonder what is so exciting about that table. And of course those days often have me saying things like "not again" or "I chose this". When I am comfortably sitting in my chair at the end of the session, thinking "boy that kid looked happy under there" its not so bad. Plus it is a good way to burn a few calories. 

7. Eating. No, not me eating, helping others eat. I haven't had the opportunity this year to work with feeding/swallowing difficulties, but when I was in the nursing home for a short time I did. I had one patient who couldn't drink without having it go down into her lungs. We figured out if her drink was thickened to a certain consistency she could safety drink. Seeing how happy she and her family were when I said she could thicken her coke (or even wine) and drink safely was great. She was so happy to be able to have something she had been without for awhile. Being told you can't eat and drink, especially as an older person is a really hard loss and helping someone regain some of that normalcy is exciting. I hope to someday work with those disorders again. 

8. Other forms of communication. Watching and teaching someone of any age to use a different form of communication is one of the most rewarding parts of my job. Being able to see someone communicate effectively with pictures, gestures, facial expressions, or even iPad is such a special experience. 

9. Crafts. I do a lot of paper activities in therapy so kiddos can take it home and work on it for practice. I love paper crafts. In other words it is awesome that I get to make stuff at work. 

10. Therapy materials/toys or lack there of. I like puzzles and kids are like little mini puzzles. SLPs and families often do not have access to a variety of materials. Finding ways to make therapy fun with a pencil or paper cup is a puzzle.  Creating a language rich environment anywhere and everywhere can sometimes be a fun challenge. Nerdy perhaps, but fun. 

There are some not so great things about my job, but there are so many wonderful  things that make it all worth it. 

"Whew" Church Marathon Complete

We wrapped another beautiful Easter Season.  John likes to call Easter his Super Bowl, or rather I should say he used to. Him calling it his SuperBowl meant it was the thing he looked forward to most during the year. When given the opportunity John likes to go to church as much as possible during Holy Week. 

Last year we attended Maunday Thursday service at one church. Friday we attended Stations of the Cross in the afternoon and a Good Friday service in the evening. Saturday I think was spent pondering church (he wanted to go to a Catholic Easter Vigil, but I was rather tired). We wrapped up on Sunday with a Sunrise Easter service. I recognize what I am about to say is probably not something I should say, especially as a pastor's wife, but here it goes..... I do not like sunrise services. It is very difficult for me to worship at 7:00 am or earlier. Had I of been around when Jesus rose from the dead on the 3rd day, I would not have been one of the first to the tomb. It is likely I would have awoken at a later hour and then celebrated his resurrection. I identify very well with some of the other disciples who were "late" to the party that day. While I can and do wake up early I really dislike it. 

This year, I am not sure John would call Easter his Super Bowl. It was his first year as pastor, which meant much of the beautiful celebrating plans had to be attended to by him. I think he may see things slightly different being on the other side. He was looking rather tired come Thursday but was still in good spirits overall. We had Maunday Thursday, Good Friday, and 4 services on Sunday.  

Now to make things more fun......I am not sure if our senior pastor knew my feelings on sunrise services or if it was just a happy coincidence, but John was asked to give the sermon at the 7:00 am service this year. Of course he was only giving the sermon at the 7:00 am service, so it meant I had to be at that service as opposed to what I normally do when John preaches. Just go to one service at 9:45 and hope I do not miss anything exciting in the other services. One time I thought, well if my husband preaches I should go to all three to be supportive which didn't last long. God makes a better cheerleader anyway.  This 7:00 am John preaching sunrise service meant I had to look presentable and be at the church by 6:55 am. Again, not my cup of tea. I am of the firm belief the Lord can be worshiped at 8:30 am on a Sunday. I went to the 7:00 am, prayed, enjoyed the sunrise even though I was super cold and sleepy,  came home, and worked on brunch while John attended/worked the next 3 services. 

There is a lot of church to be had during Easter. I am learning to embrace our annual church marathon. Knowing my amazing exuberant husband I am sure there will be additional services/celebrations he will attempt to add into the Easter festivities someday [Husband edit: True facts] .  I look forward to dressing future children in adorable Easter clothes at unholy hours in the morning, and then taking oodles of pictures. I can't wait for the Easter Egg hunts. I also look forward to the day our children look at me and say, "Mom, church again?" and saying, "You know how your dad feels about church." 

At this point we are hunkered down for the end of our respective school years and waiting for the extremely busy summer!

CPR

Last Saturday John, Katie, and I went to CPR training. Now I know many people are CPR trained and it is only a couple of hours of how to save someone's life when in a pickle, but I was worried. 

You see, I have been CPR trained before. I distinctly remember breathing into the dummy's mouth and thinking to myself, "There is no way this air is going into that thing's mouth." The dummy somehow inflates or moves to let the trainee know that air is going to the lungs. This did not happen with my dummy. I did the chest pump thing too which one might think is easier but is, in fact, not. I remember receiving my card and thinking to myself, "I sure hope I never need to do CPR. I am not sure there would be a lot of life saving."

Now add my previous CPR training, which left me feeling less than confident, with this CPR training specifically with intention of teaching me how to save my future foster kids if need be, and you have yourself a recipe for paralyzing fear. John has never been trained before, however my sister has been through this lots and could probably teach the class. (At one point she corrected me and the teacher.) 

While maybe not feeling like I am ready to save the world and volunteer for every first aid situation that may arise, I can say I feel better than I did before. It is most likely due to the amazing trainer (and my confident sister). Our CPR trainer was also a foster parent. I thought our agency did that on purpose, but other foster parents said this was the first time they had been taught by a foster parent. She is currently taking care of more medically fragile kiddos. She was patient, kind, honest, and most importantly, realistic. She made the whole class feel as though trying to help someone in a situation requiring CPR is better than doing nothing at all. She also reminded us that common sense during a first aid situation will help too. She shared stories about her experiences and the other experienced parents jumped in with other ideas and experiences. It was great to be taught by someone who knows foster care. 

CPR and first aid situations are mostly similar for biological children and foster children, however, there are a couple of fairly significant differences. For example: it is my understanding that everything needs to be documented. Everything. How many biological parents keep a journal of every bruise, scrap, and bump their kids have? We have to do that. We also have to keep every medication in the house under double lock. It is interesting (and probably scary), going through my house and seeing that I leave meds everywhere. I have my allergy pills here, Advil there, nose spray over there, heart burn meds on top of that, etc. I suppose in the future it might be nice to have everything in one place as opposed to my current situation which involves mad scrambles all over the house.

One of the things I am looking forward to most is meeting other foster parents. We met some during the weekend and there is something comforting about knowing there are other people who totally get the situation. They were able to answer questions about social workers, agencies, policies, etc. John and I know one couple we used to go to school with. In fact, they are quite like us, which has been more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined. The husband too is in seminary and the wife has full time job/career. They are our age and chose to jump into this first. They have been our biggest support and help. I am not sure they realize how incredible they are. 

Life is crazy and thinking how John and I got this far is wild.  [Husband edit: What a difference a year makes!]  I guess it could only be divine intervention, as my grandma used to say. In case anyone is wondering, we officially began phase II three weeks ago. There are four phases. It is my understanding that phase II is mostly completed by the agency. Phase III will be more of the home study stuff and lots of interviewing. At our initial home visit our social worker said we were still on track to be licensed by June or July. And now we have one more thing checked off the list!